The Veil Lifts

I had a huge revelation. Major.

It started out innocently enough. My friend in rehab at the other hospital is the one whose significant other had the stomach cancer. He is doing very well, by the way. We were talking about an autobiography she was reading about decoding genes called Life Decoded. It was actually written by an older brother of someone from my class in high school. Interesting, talking about genes.

We then were talking about college. I always felt I hit my stride in college.

I was telling her that I just saw a kindergarten photo of myself when suddenly long-buried feelings returned. I was the smallest in the class. I always had to sit in the front row. I was not only the shortest, I was the lightest in the whole class. I remember the photo being taken. I remember not even being able to open the front door to the school that morning because it was so big and heavy.

I remember not being happy.

As I was born in November, I started kindergarten when I was 4 years old. Yes, it did fall apart a bit when I was in 4^th grade – a sign that I did not have the maturation to do the work. It all settled in high school and I really excelled in college.

I am the shortest one in our family.

In elementary school, I was always the smallest and among the youngest in the class. I hated it. I hated when people would pick me up or want to carry me. I was also the youngest in our neighborhood and hated it when I could not keep up with other kids. My yell that I will forever remember was, “Wait for me!!!” I hated being treated differently because I was small. In first grade, I even had my front baby teeth knock out by older kids playing football on our small playground. They didn’t see me.

I just hated being small.

For years I have been overweight though somehow my weight never affected my self-esteem. I just now realized that I liked being heavy – I am not obese just a good 40 pounds heavy. What a revelation. No one can carry me or shove me around or try to make me do something I don’t want to do.

Now that I realize that, it can go. I have power now that I didn’t have as a child. I don’t need it anymore.

So interesting.

Also explains why I have loved wearing high heals my entire adult life! Taller…

The veil lifts and it all becomes clear.