Endless Fences

I just want it finished! The Great Wall is slowly drawing to its conclusion. The truckloads of dirt and mulch will arrive soon then the planting can begin. It has been a long process. My mom’s birthday is August 17^th and she is coming here through the 20^th. I would love to have the garden finished. I don’t think it is going to happen.

Every year, mom has an appointment at her university hospital to check on her rare cancer – mycosis fungoides. It has not returned. She is the longest living person there who has not had a reoccurrence.

I do worry about her. She is about 4’9” now, down from 5’2” just a year ago. She said she weighed 110 pounds two months ago but it is clear that she is well under 100 pounds now. She has always had a bit of a problem with food. When she doesn’t feel well, she doesn’t eat. When she is worried, she doesn’t eat. She had a problem with anorexia when we were very little and didn’t even have the name for it back then. She saw no future and was worried about how they were going to put three kids through college. That was before the big promotion to California.

Through the years, my dad made sure that she ate well and the disease laid in hibernation for decades. As far as I remember, now looking back, she had the first sign of it in her thirties and again when dad retired when she was in her late 40’s. It may also be the cause of her collapsing vertebrae and soft bones. But now, it is clearly back. I am convinced that if she catches a virus this fall, she may not survive it. Two years ago, I would not have seen this coming. I thought she would out-live me. It is shocking how quickly she has depleted.

Chip was clearly shaken when he saw her and is planning to fly up more often to see her. He also in convinced that she is not going to live much longer.

My mom? She loves to talk about how little she eats. She will tell everyone that she never eats any fat. None. She does eat a quarter of an avocado and some pistachio nuts for breakfast and that has brought down her cholesterol. She also keeps track of how much everyone else is eating or drinking or smoking. This makes it very uncomfortable. It is also very typical anorexic behavior.

Her weekly phone conversation with Chip this week was a very angry one about his smoking and that Lee and I had split a bagel. God help us. She had been sitting a week brewing about it all. Apparently, Michael is the only one who is not doing anything she disapproves of.

During my lunch with Cynthia, she assured me that this is normal for older people as they lose control over their lives. They tend to focus on the minutia, as the bigger picture is too scary. She told her brothers and sisters to just counter the negative comments with positive statements. Michael and I will remind her that we all are doing well. We all are happy. We all like each other.

So, she is building her fences higher around herself. The disease is back. She is feeling out of control of her life. I am hoping that a doctor is discussing her dramatic weight loss with her. She clearly is not interested in any conversations about it with her three children. We have all tried to get her to eat something. Anything.