Roles Changing

It is funny how roles change. As we grow older our parents tend to revert to being in our care. This transition is happening right now in our family.

We had the issue with my mom saying things and focusing on the minutia of life instead of seeing the happier bigger picture. I know that it is related to her health issues.

She phoned a few days ago and, during the conversation, asked if I had heard about her phone call to Chip regarding his smoking. She told him that he is the same age as dad when he was diagnosed with emphysema and Chip needed to quit smoking.

Deep breath. I had planned to talk about this in person when she comes in for her birthday next week.

I began.

I explained to her that there was more to the story. He was very concerned about her appearance, as it had changed quite dramatically since he had seen her just 17 months ago. For the first time, he realized that she is not going to live forever and was actually crying after he left her a few weeks ago.

At first she denied that she looked any different but as I reminded her about her sudden height and weight loss, she quietly agreed that she had depleted a lot.

I told her that he had been dealing with that for about a week before her phone call. It hit him hard. He was really depressed. She looked so awful that he is worried that she could die soon from a cold or worse. I said there was nothing he could do and that was the hardest for him to hear.

Silence on her end of the phone.

Finally, she said, “I feel badly that I said anything.”

I said nothing and just let it sit there.

Then, I told her that he and Betty were so looking forward to meeting us in Las Vegas this fall. (We have invited mom to join us on a trip to see Mary. As her birthday present, we are taking care of the hotel bill.)

Their weekly phone call tonight should be interesting.