Grateful for the Disease

I am grateful for the disease. I know that sounds strange but even in the beginning I never asked, “Why me?”

So, it was about a year after the diagnosis when I was driving home along the ocean from rehab around 1:30 in the afternoon on a beautiful, warm Indian summer day. The windows were down on the car and great music was playing on the radio. It suddenly occurred to me that if I was working, I wouldn’t have noticed the beautiful sunshine.

With that, I started being aware of things that I would not have been doing, if I was still working: meeting old friends for lunch, Christmas shopping at 10:00 on a Monday morning, gardening when I wanted to instead of only having a small window of time to get it done, cleaning out closets, going for a walk after lunch, reading anytime, being in bed at 8:00 in the morning, and so much more.

The disease also made us tightened our circle of friends. Time has become valuable and we spend it with a small group of friends.

I have an older sister and a younger brother. Throughout our lives, I do not remember any conflicts, arguments, or jealousies among us. We had amazing parents.

My brother lives several states away and my sister lives 100 miles away. We don’t see each other often. We are all very busy with our lives though we wish each other all good things in life.

When we drove home from Indiana after burying my aunt in 2007, we stopped to see my brother and his wife. We had a great time together and I realized that time is running out. I told Michael that we needed to make a commitment to see them more often before I can’t travel anymore. I wanted a real relationship with them. A friendship. It started slowly with e-mails and has blossomed into a real relationship with both of them. This would not have happened had I not been ill. I would have been too busy. They would have been too busy.

For this and many other reasons, I am sometimes grateful for having a bad diagnosis.

Next: On the Road