Living Well

Great weekend. Lots of wonderful social interactions. Lots of time talking with Michael. I got to sit on the floor in a living room surrounded by three young children playing together. Sometimes, they let me play, too. It filled my soul. We ate amazing Vietnamese food made by the grandma, met the grandpa who was in the same prison camp with John McCain, discovered that the remote control pink dune buggy was a perfect gift for the newly turned 2-year old then Don took us to a spot deep in the Mission district for dessert. It is the hippest area of the city with lots of new shops and restaurants.

With all of this, it was the conversation in the car parked in front of Don's loft that was most on my mind last night. British Don has been dealing with heart issues, including the installation of 10 stints, but the latest issues are causing him pause. He said that he knows, truly knows, that he is not going to live much longer. He has been having what he calls TIAAs or small strokes but, the evidence of these have not shown up on CT scans. I have a feeling it is more of not having enough blood going up into his brain as he has huge vascular issues. Michael is the executor of his estate, which is why we were talking about it. He wanted to tell Michael some things, talked again about his estate and passwords to his computer and accounts.

He said that he worried that he would die in his sleep and the housekeeper would find him a week later. This is where I piped in from the back seat. I truly believe that we have some control over how we die. My aunt loved the attention of being bedridden for years. Putting a burden on her loved ones proved, to her, that she was loved. My mom would hate that and would rather die quietly alone. In my heart, I know that my mom will never see the inside of an assisted living place because she will make sure she dies before she reaches that point.

I also believe that it is up to each of us to embrace everyday we have left on this earth. A day in bed depressed because we are ill is precious time wasted. We need to have all the conversations and make the important relationship in our lives stable so if we suddenly die, nothing was left unsaid.

Don and I both agreed that knowing that life is short is a gift. A marvelous way to live life. Neither of us sweat the small stuff. We do not allow negative people invade our time or lives. We have said what was needed to be said. We laugh a lot. We try not to talking about being sick all the time. We appreciate every moment.

Michael commented that he has watched as each of us processed the knowledge of having a fatal disease into the acceptance phase. In truth, we really have no control over the diseases. We have learned to deal with the doctors and the tests. We both have come out at the other side of this process with a healthy respect for the disease yet a firm determination to live. Fight to live well. Insist on living well with a bad diagnosis.