Building Fences - Not with Wood

The man who is building our fence has a surprise adorable son with his wife of many years. They are around ten years younger than we are. She has been struggling with fibromyalgia and digestive issues for as long as we have known them. When they left the area in the 90’s, she was in a lot of pain. She had also been told that they could never have children.

When we hired him to do the fence this summer, I was interested in her health issues. Did they ever get a proper diagnosis? Have they gotten on top of the disease and living their lives to the fullest?

I told him briefly about my situation then asked about his wife. They still did not have a diagnosis all these years later. She is depressed, in pain, unable to function, and totally focused on her disease.

The worst of all news.

She came to talk with me about being ill but really what she wanted was to whine and go deeply into that pit. You, dear reader, will probably guess what I said to her. I began with the “We have control over our lives” speech and ended with the “Don’t become the disease” speech. She had embraced the disease. She clearly had become the disease.

I felt like giving up when she started talking about her doctors. She constantly is searching the web to find all the answers to all of her problems. She mentioned that she only wants to treat herself in a holistic way. No harsh drugs. Oh my.

When she said, “I told the doctor, forget about even giving me a prescription because I won’t fill it. Do you know the side effects? If not, I can give you the web site for Web MD,” said in a sarcastic manner.

If I worried about the side effects of all my drugs, I would be dead. I would never have taken the prednisone or the imuran. Which is worse: side effects or death? In her case, the drugs would be able to control the disease and offer relief. Forget that. I really think she wants the pain and the disease so she can just stay where she is. It is comfortable. Functioning and feeling well is a scary thought. It carries responsibilities.

So, my work begins. Somehow I need to build some fences of my own and offer a hand from the other side of the bridge over her illness.