Searching for a New Normal

The man who was in the horrible car accident in Oregon is having problems. Michael came home one day and asked it I would talk with him. Mark is having problems sleeping and is really screwed up mentally. He can't settle his mind. The physical damage is beginning to heal but depression has moved in.

It may be time for the talk. He is going to be a challenge. We will talk about everything we have discussed here in this blog including: how he wants to be remembered by his family, how he has the choice on how to deal with it all, how to not let his mind wander about all the bad stuff (night terrors, I call them), not to worry about something until you have proof to worry, and to find someplace where he can gather his strength. But most of all I want to tell him that suddenly he will appreciate wonderful small things like the sunshine on his face, a beautiful moon, the smell of the garden, a perfect song, and his family’s laughter.

So, with all that in mind, we dropped in to see him on the weekend. He was pacing like a cat and his wife, Marianne was frustrated with some family members. They was due –or thrown on them – with no understanding that Mark is really in pain and not doing well. He looks good. No visible scars. People think he is fine. Boy, do I understand that!

Michael talked to him in another room for a while I spoke with Marianne. Mark was saying that he just wants to be normal again and have his life back. Michael was able to tell him that it will never be the same and that this was a life-changing event. He will have a new normal. He seemed to understand what Michael was saying. He is struggling with depression so Michael is calling him almost every day, which his wife told me has made a huge difference.

She and I talked about some of the things I had planned but Mark really is not ready to hear any of it. Too soon. It is not settled in his body yet. He is almost in denial that anything is wrong and angry that his diabetes is now troublesome because he can’t work out.

He is just now sleeping for the first time since the accident on July 1^st with the help of vicodin. Marianne told me that he had two punctured lungs; a broken cleft palate, a fractured scapula and pneumonia. He also spent many days on a ventilator. He really should not have survived the accident and is only alive due to a quick response and really good medical care, which is quite shocking since it happened in a very small city. She was telling me that the hospital called in a nurse while he was in CCU as she is their expert in bad cases. Marianne said she was like an angel and she totally trusted her. When she told Marianne that Mark was going to be fine, she was the first to do so and Marianne believed her. For the first time, she felt that he was not going to die.

Life is never going back to the way it was before the accident. It is up to him if he can actually make his life better than ever. It is going to take time. It is going to take some work.