Still Breathing

The funeral for Randy's dad is Friday. It will be at the cemetery on top of the mountain on the pass. The views of the entire Bay Area and ocean make it a breathtaking site. We plan to attend.

The sun is shining this morning. What a welcomed sight! I am going to get dressed, throw my walking shoes on and hit the trail along the ocean before going to the rehab class. Two workouts! I am worried about tomorrow's weigh in. So worried that I won't miss tomorrow's new morning yoga class before having my hair cut. After a quick change of clothing, I will drive deep into the city for the meeting with the weight doctor.

But for today, a good walk, seeing Dick and Sherman and watering the new plants in the yards is my agenda.

One of the indicators of how I am breathing is the amount of oxygen I use in the garden, on my walks and at the other rehab. I usually crank it up to 4 liters (I use 2 liters in the rehab class) so I can push myself even harder without worrying that I am not getting enough oxygen. There is a feeling that I get when it is too high. It is like it hurts my sinuses. It had been a long time since I had turned it down to 3 liters but that was what happened yesterday. That it a good sign that I am breathing well. I am interested in seeing what my numbers are during the rehab class today.

Speaking of numbers, I have learned through the years not to panic with the ups and downs. Last Saturday, we were at the restaurant right on the ocean having a few minutes with the owner before their road trip. He is taking his wife and grown sons in an RV to South Dakota. It will be good for all of them. His wife was diagnosed with breast cancer several years ago and has been fighting a long, tough battle. He told us that she was a bit depressed about her latest numbers as they were not horrible but they were suddenly not stable. We talked about how I learned not to worry about the numbers until there was proof that I should worry! The "what ifs" can kill you mentally!

It was only after we left that I recognized that she and I have different end points. If my numbers go south, I am looking at transplants. If her numbers slide, she is facing death. Yeah, I guess I would worry with every little change, too.