Memorial Road Trip

Home. We are home. It was a difficult trip. It was a glorious trip.

The drive to Riverside was quick and uneventful. The beautiful hills of California were not the golden brown for which the state is named but a glorious spring green with wild flowers scattered throughout. We expected rain but not a drop appeared the entire drive down. Anna was home to greet us, the oxygen company had delivered the concentrator, her house was spotless and she was ready for the memorial service. She, Michael and I set up the dining room to accommodate the older relatives and set up food and drink tables. Everything was ready before we went to bed.

Friday morning, it rained, then there was sunshine, then there was hail. We were expecting locusts next. It was cold. Icy cold. We were all dressed and ready to go. Their son Daniel, Anna's husband Doug, Michael and I were together and the first to arrive to the largest National Cemetery in the county near March Air Force Base. They have 30 services a day. It was very well organized. We all gathered in our cars and waited for the paperwork to be reviewed before being escorted to a covered area for the ceremony. Matt's ashes were escorted by a dozen volunteer retired military personal, there was a gun salute (the empty shells were gathered and given to Michael's mom during the ceremony), an American flag was folded and presented to her as well. They left, Doug gave a thoughtful and interesting speech that was really so much better a normal eulogy, one crazy cousin talked followed by her mother, then Michael's Uncle Jerry rose to speak. He spoke so well of Matt and ended his talk with a prayer that was perfectly said. It was a wonderful way to end the ceremony.

We all drove back to Anna and Doug's, I was able to begin setting the food out before everyone else arrived, we opened the wine and suddenly, the house was full. There were about 30 people in a small area.

So, I can hear you asking how I handled the twin and his wife? I was able to keep my promise to myself: I kept my mouth shut. I did not want to say anything that could be quoted and I didn't want to do or say anything that would hurt Michael's mom.

While we were lined up in the cars, I was stunned that the twin and wife leaned in to say, "Nice to see you, haven't seen you in a while." I responded with a nod and shook her hand. He leaned in and asked if we were stuck the day before on the Grapevine pass into LA, which had closed due to snow after we went through. I kept my mouth shut. Michael answered him.

I was able to keep away from them the entire time they were at the get together. One time, the wife sat down opposite of me while I was speaking with Uncle Jerry and his partner Leon, who I adore. I gathered up the dirty paper plates, got up and left for the kitchen.

My new fear: I think they are going to ask to have dinner with us or something...Not going to happen. Michael won't  allow it. And he will say that he is the one making the decision, not me. He told me that he was not going to allow the twin to hurt me again.

So, after they left, I had a glass of wine, which is a very rare treat for me. I don't drink. A huge sigh of relief as the difficult part of the trip was over.

Saturday morning, we were in the car by 9:30 and heading to the pier at Santa Monica. We walked it in the sunshine, talked to some of the fishermen, ate a horrible lunch at a chain (not a lot available) before driving north through Malibu on Highway 1. We stayed on Highway 1 from that moment on until we arrived home.

We drove from Santa Monica to San Luis Obispo (where my brother went to college) driving through Venture and Oxnard and Pismo Beach, often so close to the ocean we could have kissed it. The weather was sunny, the top was down on the car, we listened to music, we talked about Matt and the service and we tried to decompress. It worked. We arrived in San Luis relaxed and ready for a nice dinner. We had steaks at McLincock's, which has been there since 1971. I texted my brother that we were thinking of him and he asked where we were eating. Said he couldn't afford to eat there as a student. We walked several blocks around the downtown area. We have been there many times but I was surprised by all the new fancy chain stores. Money has moved into the area.

We left after an early breakfast and a cup of Peet's coffee for the next leg north on Highway 1. This is an historic highway. People from all over the world drive it from San Francisco to LA. Some places, the road is so curvy that it is difficult for RVs to stay in their lanes. Beginning in the spring and throughout the summer, the road is packed. Really packed. But, as it is only March, it was empty as we drove through Morro Bay and small towns like Harmony with a population 18 to Big Sur, Carmel and Santa Cruz. Through Big Sur, we did not have a car in front or behind us for 50 miles. A miracle. It was sunny but cool, the top was down on the car, we stopped for a simple lunch in Carmel before arriving home at 1:30. It was a glorious trip.

Back to life. It was a sad event that we turned into a restorative road trip home. Surrounded by nature, we were reminded that life goes on. The earth abides. We are all here for a short period of time.

We know Matt is in a better place, is happy and has no more pain. God bless his soul and may he rest in peace.