Love and Life Lessons

It is rather shocking to children to discover that their parents had other dates and relationships before marrying. I had my first date at the age of 13 (almost 14) with Tom who was three years older than I was. It was a blind date that Lee turned down. We went to the movies to see “Planet of the Apes.” Yes, it was that long ago!

He came from a very dysfunctional family who lived in a very fancy house on a very fancy street in the fanciest city in the area. His dad was a doctor and his mom sold real estate.

His parents liked me and took me with them on several trips. We once went to a convention in Reno. Tom and I would take off to explore the area during the day. One evening, his VW bus (it was the late 60’s, after all) broke down in Tahoe and we had to hitchhike back to Reno. It was my first and last hitchhiking experience. Scary. I have never been more frightened in my life and wondered if they would ever find my body?!? A nice guy rescued us by droving us all the way to the hotel.

I also remember from that trip the most beautiful sunset on a balmy evening from a park right on the shore of Lake Tahoe. Stunningly beautiful.

Tom was cheap. Not frugal. Cheap. If I wanted to go to a movie or get something for dinner, he expected me to pay for my half or even buy his ticket or dinner. I grew to hate cheap men. Frugal is fine. Cheap is well, cheap.

He was the only guy to take me to a prom. After going to one, I hated them and never wanted to go to another one.

We were together until I was sixteen. I felt smothered. He began to want to control everything in my life as I think he felt me slipping away from him. I was maturing. I was changing and growing up. I wanted to hang out with my girlfriends. I wanted a normal high school life.

He would constantly put down my parents and tell me that they were trying to control me. He even was pressuring me to move into a house on his parent’s property. I adored my home and my parents. I looked at his situation in comparison to mine and knew that it was not what I wanted. I broke up with him and made it clear that it was final. I didn’t want to see him again. One day, I opened a box sent in the mail, which contained everything I had ever given to him. It was really over.

As we were breaking up, he began to mountain climb and flip real estate.

Years later and engaged to Michael, I was at the mall and ran into him. He was getting married in a few weeks and invited us to his wedding. We went. We left quickly. It was too weird. That marriage was later dissolved.

We invited him to our wedding the following year and I remember seeing him sitting on the groom’s side of the aisle. Odd. Thankfully, I have never seen him since.

But, I am grateful for all of the life lessons he taught to me. I learned that sometimes it is more important to be clear about what you don’t want rather than a long laundry list of everything you want in a spouse. He prepared me to appreciate my very generous and loving Michael.

For that alone, I will always be grateful to him.