If you have
been reading any of my more personal blogs, you must know that I am a pretty
strong person: dealt with what happened to me and moved forward. Kept being active and living life
to the fullest.
But, I have
to admit that I am almost grieving over the loss of my better health with this
latest downturn. Losing 10% of my forced lung capacity, I miss feeling good in
the morning. The past several months, I hardly noticed my breathing because it was so easy and
natural not so pushed and struggling as it is today. I miss having a high energy
level, which allowed me to enjoy life more. And I did! It was a great five months.
It has
bothered me that I am feeling this loss so hard. Michael said that I need to cool my
jets and gather my strength again. It will come back with lots of rest and
rehab and taking care of myself. And maybe some rides in the convertible!
But, I want
to play upcoming concerts with the little violins students and the orchestra. I
want to enjoy my niece’s wedding. I want to not be exhausted driving mom out to
visit her old girlfriends on Wednesday.
I want to
feel well again.
So, I am gathering that internal strength that has driven me from the very beginning of
living with a fatal diagnosis. It’s there. It is a bit deep right now, but it
is still there.
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