Sunday, April 15, 2012

Trying To Live Well


If you have been reading any of my more personal blogs, you must know that I am a pretty strong person: dealt with what happened to me and moved forward. Kept being active and living life to the fullest.

But, I have to admit that I am almost grieving over the loss of my better health with this latest downturn. Losing 10% of my forced lung capacity, I miss feeling good in the morning. The past several months, I hardly noticed my breathing because it was so easy and natural not so pushed and struggling as it is today. I miss having a high energy level, which allowed me to enjoy life more. And I did! It was a great five months.

It has bothered me that I am feeling this loss so hard. Michael said that I need to cool my jets and gather my strength again. It will come back with lots of rest and rehab and taking care of myself. And maybe some rides in the convertible!

But, I want to play upcoming concerts with the little violins students and the orchestra. I want to enjoy my niece’s wedding. I want to not be exhausted driving mom out to visit her old girlfriends on Wednesday.

I want to feel well again.

So, I am gathering that internal strength that has driven me from the very beginning of living with a fatal diagnosis. It’s there. It is a bit deep right now, but it is still there.

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