Beginnings, Middles and Endings

I was in the yoga hell class yesterday and finally got it. I understood for the first time what the teacher was trying to get us to feel in each position and with each breath. I was so focused on only myself and what I was able to do - as opposed to what I was not able to do - that I felt exhausted but energized afterwards and am not sore this morning. After an hour of recovery time, I met Natalie and the kids for lunch and by the time I was at the orchestra rehearsal last night, I was fighting to stay awake. 

Michael's sister Anna phoned before I went to the rehearsal. She was having a rough day. Apparently, she had all the proper paperwork and was instructed by the military person who was organizing the memorial for Matt to go to any post office and they would give her a flag for the service. Sounds easy. The first woman she presented the paperwork to berated her and told her she that the funeral director in Las Vegas should have supplied the flag. No flag. She went to a second post office. There she was also denied. Finally, the third one took pity on her and gave her a flag after asking for her paperwork so they could be reimbursed by the government. She had been frustrated and angry so when they handed her the flag, she burst into tears. The wonderful people at that post office hugged her and offered their condolences for the loss of her brother. She had been juggling so many balls in the air right now, her nerves are frayed. I offered to help in any way I can when I get down there. 

After she got home, she got a phone call from her husband Doug. He is a public defender with just a couple more years left before retirement. He told her that he had the roughest day of his entire career then she told him of the emotional and frustrating day she had also experienced. They both started to laugh then made plans to go out for cocktails and dinner. That made me smile. They had a relationship in the past with lots of disagreements and arguments. I think if I were married to a public defender, I too would be arguing all the time! It is what they do best! In the past, this conversation would have led to a fight. Now, as they are older, they are totally enjoying each other and have grown so close. It is nice to watch their transition from parents into exceptional grandparents and being loving and happy with each other.

The 1966 Mustang that Michael and William have been building for the last couple of years is now back in our garage. Everything is done, except for the paintwork. Everything is new. Michael and I are going to begin to take it on short trips into town or down the coast to make sure all the kinks are out of it. William is coming down soon and is so excited to drive it.

Something I have been dreading happened during the orchestra rehearsal cookie break. The violin teacher who was an original founder of the orchestra and with whom I have been playing concerts with her private students the last couple of years has rejoined the orchestra. She has some health issues and her return to playing is rather remarkable in itself. I was able to tell her that I am no longer going to play with her group. It really had become too much. It began with a couple of rehearsals for a Christmas community performance then grew into another major concert then she was talking about getting the adults together to play ensembles. I told her that Michael is the person who keeps me reeled in as I want to do so much. Too much. He had noticed that I was using Thursdays as recovery after the orchestra rehearsals then I would have a late Friday evening rehearsal with this woman's group and use Saturday to recover. By Sunday I would be catching my breath so Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays were great but really the rest of the week was not healthy for me. I had to choose and the orchestra had won. She was disappointed but understood. I am rather relieved I finally told her. I also feel relieved that I won't have to rehearse on Friday nights as I miss those evenings with Michael. 

It was a day of beginning to feel and understand the yoga instructions, being a needed ear for Anna as she is making of plans for Matt's memorial service and the ending of the work on the Mustang and my relationship with the small performance group. In a word? Life. As the doctor still reminds me, I should have been dead or transplanted about five years ago. But, with my determination, diet, exercise, medications and lots of luck, I am so grateful to be here experiencing the highs and the lows. The joy and the sadness. The flow of life.