What Sarah Said

Death Cab for Cutie

I love well-written song lyrics. I think they very cleverly portray emotions that are often difficult to put into words.

When I was very sick at the beginning of the process of this disease and our future was so uncertain and rather bleak, lyrics helped me so much. Most made me laugh and gave me comfort. Others really made me cry.

We bought the Death Cab for Cutie Plans album the day it was released and played it in the car on our way home. A song – What Sarah Said – was so shocking and so addressed where we were emotionally at the time that it left me breathless. Almost impossible and painful to listen to more than once.

I bumped into the song yesterday after not hearing it for a few years. I love the first line:

And it came to me then that every plan is a tiny prayer to father time.

Perfect. We were in a place physically and emotionally where no plans could be made. Our lives changed forever. It took four years of lawyers and doctors for me to become stable and, with that, finally came a time when we could begin to make plans. I always say that is when we took control of our lives and we took our first steps forward. A plan was really a prayer that I would be well enough to follow any plan. A tiny prayer. A wish.

But, dear reader, I should warn you of the ending. The song itself is about waiting for bad news in an ICU Waiting Room. Not the most joyous of songs! I really cried at the end of this song while looking at Michael driving the car. He is the one who is going to help me through that final moment of life. He will hold my hand and talk to me. He will tell me that it is okay to go. The final lyrics? Love is watching someone die. So, who’s going to watch you die?

The full lyrics are below as well as a YouTube audio of the song. It is still hard for me to listen to it without crying.

What Sarah Said

And it came to me then that every plan is a tiny prayer to father time

As I stared at my shoes in the ICU that reeked of piss and 409

And I rationed my breathes as I said to myself that I'd already taken too much today

As each descending peak of the LCD took you a little farther away from me

Away from me

Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines in a place where we only say goodbye

It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds

But I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all

And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground as the TV entertained itself

'Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room

Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news

And then the nurse comes round and everyone will lift their heads

But I'm thinking of what Sarah said that "Love is watching someone die"

So who's going to watch you die?..

YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQuVudn1-RE