Judgemental

So much is coming together. I will pick up the last of my medications for the trip this morning and return a call from Apria to confirm the 11 concentrators that have been ordered for the 11 hotels during the trip this morning. Then, I need to arrange a lunch tomorrow with my rehab boys and the retired RN in charge of the rehab program. That will be a lot of fun!

But this afternoon, I will be at my university hospital for an ILD Support Group meeting. The manager of clinical trial for the ILD Program is coming to talk to us about clinical trials in general, and will give us an update on all the current ILD clinical trials. He is so interesting, never dry, speaks in English instead of Medicine which makes it all so easy to understand and I usually drive home feeling hopeful.

I have a story: I was on the bike at the other rehab yesterday morning when I glanced up. It was that feeling of being watched. A woman I had never seen before was getting ready to hop on the treadmill but had paused just staring at me. Her face showed clear disdain. I have seen that before. People see my oxygen and think and often say that I really should never have smoked. The need for oxygen was my punishment. It makes them feel superior. A bit judgemental considering I have never smoked. I usually smile then educate them politely.

Something about her really tweaked me. After I watched her work out for a few minutes, I developed a plan. I finished on the bike, strolled over to the treadmill right next to her then kicked it up to my normal 3.4 mph. I could see her glance over to see how fast I was going. She kicked hers up for a bit before kicking it back down. She couldn't keep up. So, the lesson here that I was trying to teach this woman was that a person on oxygen was still able to be active and fit. Still feeling superior?

Then, she got me back. Suddenly, the horrible smell of flatulence invaded the space. Gas. I refused to acknowledged it, did another four minutes next to her then left for the day. Maybe I will begin a conversation next time I see her at the gym. Maybe I will explain to her how I got my disease. Maybe I will mention that it is the only lung disease one cannot get if one smoked. Maybe we will become friends. Maybe not.