Dependent

A burden. I am feeling like I am a burden. I can’t earn any money, as I would lose my Medicare through SSI Disability. I don’t think I could physically work more than one day a week anyway because I would have to take the next four days off to recover!

A burden. I have never felt this way before. Even when I stayed home with William for nine years, I felt I was holding up my end of our lives.

Though I deal with the house and gardens and bills and food, somehow I suddenly feel like I am a burden to Michael.

Am I holding him back from pursuing his dreams? Has he become resentful being the only earner and having to support us, as I am totally dependent?

It has been bothering me for a few days. We sat in the sunshine after work yesterday when I brought up the subject.

He said, ”No. We are doing this together.”

Me, “But don’t you feel like I am a burden?”

It was a quick, “No. Not at all. Not once.”

I asked, “Really, honestly, truly?”

“Truly.”

Michael’s sister was a stay-at-home mom most of her married life. We were talking about this when she was here and she totally got it. She, too, at times has felt this same issue creeping into her brain.

I hope I can shake it soon.