After accepting that I had a very limited future, a sense of calm worked its way into my body. I slowed down to enjoy moments. I became more polite, oddly enough. I smiled more often. I refused to waste one moment of the limited moments I had left on depression.
All plans changed. We closed our circle of friends and relatives with whom we shared our medical information. We removed people from our lives who were negative or pulled on our positive strength. We noticed that we didn't sweat the small stuff anymore. It didn't matter. We were dealing with life and death issues.
After burying my aunt in Indiana in 2007, we drove back home on Highway 40 and were able to visit my brother and his wife in New Mexico. We had a ball and while driving away from their home, I vowed to develop a better relationship with them. We had to fix it before I died. There had been no problem but we never phoned or chatted or had anything other than a distant relationship. After we got home, I began to build our friendship. Phone calls, texts, e-mails. It didn't take long and now we are dear friends, not just relatives.
I believe that this never would have happened if I had not received a fatal diagnosis.
To live life with relationships all in order, no anger or depression and with a deeper appreciation of the small moments reflecting the goodness of life is a wonderful gift. It is a lovely way to live a life. Sadly, it took a major illness to get me here but I vow to focus on living every moment with kindness and joy.
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