Beyond Adjustments

 As my health has depleted these past two years, I have learned to make adjustments but, for the first time, I have had to let things go. Mentally, this has been hard for me. I have always pushed myself to do everything with adjustments for the disease. Now, I am realizing that some things must be reevaluated.

My exercise routine is not as strong as it was, not by any means. Though I don't stay home and sit on the couch all day, I currently am not as active as I should be. That worries me. I am trying to figure out ways to add standing, walking and movement into the day.

Gardening is in my soul. It is so hard to turn over decades of work to Michael. He is approaching them in his own way, making decisions to remove so many of the plants that require a lot of attention to create a garden that is easier to maintain.

Performing music has been a part of my life since I was in high school. There is no other feeling than after performing a long classical program with an orchestra. Indescribable. Totally spent yet vitalized. The problem is my instrument. My string bass is so large and so heavy that I am unable to carry it into the venues and rehearsal spaces anymore. The thought of standing for the rehearsals from 7:30-9:30 the evening after the simple hour Irish Fiddling rehearsal now seems impossible as well as having to haul my equipment and instrument. I just don't think I can return to the local orchestra this Fall.

Simple things, like grocery shopping, even needs adjustments. Shopping with a cart? No problem. Hauling the groceries to the car then into the house is becoming difficult. I can still do it if I take it slowly but the whole process is easier when Michael shops with me. We are probably at 50/50 on whether he is with me or not. I am grateful when we are together for this errand.

I must remember that I still make the bed every morning, shower without supplemental oxygen, pay the bills, make our meals, spend time with mom, meet friends for a chat, continue in the rehab class and participate in life. It just now needs more of an adjustment in some areas. I am working it.